Final exam is just around the corner but I have to face the baddest scene of my life ever. I couldn't explained in words. It really turns my life upside-down. Today, I've to see doctor because my stomach is killing me. I loss my appetite since two days ago. Even today, I just took my breakfast. What was happened is out from my thinking. I still confused till today. The baddest thing is, mum is not around to give me a big hug that I really need now. Even though I can't share with her what's happening to me, as a mother, she will feels it by herself.
I'm not chanced to send her to airport yesterday. I only talked with her on phone. She said I shouldn't cry. She will always pray for me no matter where she is. I asked her to pray for me so Allah will always guides me. Give me an extra-strength which I really need it the most now. The most thing is, I asked her to pray so I can perform in my exam as well as before. Because what was happened to me this two days make me feel like dying. I don't know if I can perform well in exam.
20 years I live in this world, that was the first time I feel like dying. If Allah take my life that day, I will just released. Because I'm totally give up of living.
When I talked to mum on phone, she said: "Ainun, I will always remember you in my pray. Pray for me as well. Don't forget your salah, there's where you can get your strength. Ask anything to Allah. Inshaallah, He wills grant it for you. Ainun, don't cry dear. Mum is always here with you". Even though I never tell her what's happening to me, she can feels it, I know. Because mother's instinct is always true. Mum, I need your comfort hug to make me feel alright again. Yes, everyone is here but it doesn't same as your presence beside me.
8.46pm
23/3/2012
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